The Friendships Between Women

ANY REPORTER WORTH HIS OR HER SALT WANTS THE GET THE BIG STORIES. BUT, MORE OFTEN THAN NOT, I HAVE COVERED THE LITTLE STORIES-THE FEATURES. AND, I HAVE FOUND THESE LITTLE STORIES ON MANY OCCASIONS, AT LEAST TO ME, TO BE THE BIG STORY WHEN IT COMES TO THEIR EFFECT ON OTHERS AND ON ME.

HEMEI IS FROM A TINY, REMOTE VILLAGE SOUTHWEST OF CHINA. AND FOR MANY YEARS THAT WAS HER WORLD-THAT WAS ALL THAT EXISTED. SHE IS A MEMBER OF THE MOSUO PEOPLE. YOU’VE PROBABLY HEARD OF THEM BECAUSE WOMEN RULE THERE. IT’S A MATRIARCHAL SOCIETY. THE TRADITION IS THAT WOMEN SELECT THEIR OWN MAN AND THEY CAN CUT HIM LOOSE WHENEVER THEY FEEL LIKE IT.

BUT, HEMEI’S STORY IS NOT ABOUT FINDING A MAN-IT’S ABOUT FINDING A LIFE-A LIFE MUCH BIGGER AND GREATER THAN ANYTHING SHE WOULD HAVE EVER IMAGINED. AND IT IS BECAUSE HER LIFE IS SO BIG AND IT IS BECAUSE SHE EATS UP LIFE THAT MY LIFE IS BIGGER.

BECAUSE I MET HER-I WANT TO DO MORE WITH THE LIFE, THE PRIVILIGES AND THE BLESSINGS I HAVE BEEN GIVEN.

LIFE UNFOLDED FOR HEMEI BECAUSE SHE HAD A ZEST FOR EDUCATION AND THE COURAGE TO SEIZE AND OPPORTUNITY- TO TAKE IT-REACH OUT AND GRAB IT!. THERE ARE NO CARS, NO SCHOOL BUSES, NO CAR POOLING,NO ROADS, AND NO ELECTRICITY IN HER HOUSE. BUT SHE DIDN’T ALLOW THAT TO STOP HER FROM GETTING AN EDUCATION. AS A CHILD SHE WALKED MILES TO GET TO SCHOOL.

AS I SAY THIS I’M REMEMBERING, WITH A SMILE, MY MOTHER AND THOSE OF HER GENERATION TALK ABOUT HOW THEY TOO WALKED MILES TO GET TO SCHOOLS AND GET AN EDUCATION.

IN FACT, I HEARD IT ALL THE TIME WHENEVER SHE WAS TRYING TO BRING HOME A POINT THAT WE-HER CHILDREN SHOULDN’T EXPECT AN EASY LIFE AND SHOULD WORK FOR EVERYTHING THAT WE GET. SHE TOLD US OF THE MILES SHE HAD

TO WALK TO GET WATER FROM THE WELL IN RURAL MISSISSIPPI. SHE TOLD US OF HOW SHE HAD TO PUT NEWSPAPER OR CARDBOARD IN HER SHOES, AND ON AND ON AND ON.

LIFE WAS HARD IN MISSISSIPPI FOR BLACKS DURING THE 30′S 40′S . AT THE TIME, WHILE I DIDN’T DO IT -I WAS ROLLING MY EYES IN MY MIND TO THOSE STORIES - DIDN’T

ANYTHING COME EASY FOR MY MOM? THE ANSWER WAS NO AND AS I GREW UP I APPRECIATED THOSE STORIES-WHEN I ENTERED THE REAL WORLD.

THOSE STORIES CAUSED ME TO PERSERVERE- TO NEVER GIVE UP. BUT SOMETIMES I GET LAZY AND I NEED A PUSH TO GET BACK IN THERE AND WORK HARDER AND HARDER AND HARDER!

BACK TO HEMEI. SHE WALKED MILES TO SCHOOL IN THE DARK OF THE EARLY MORNING.. HER OLDER SISTER WOULD OFTEN WALK WITH HER TO PROTECT HER.

THEN, SHE GOT A CHANCE TO GO TO A GIFTED SCHOOL, 45 KILOMETERS AWAY. TO ATTEND SHE HAD TO L IVE THERE-AWAY FROM HER FAMILY. SHE DID IT- A TINY, LITTLE, COURAGEOUS KID.

SHE HAD A LOVE FOR EDUCATION. EVEN AT HER AGE, SHE COULD DISCERN THAT THIS WAS AN OPPORTUNITY THAT WOULDN’T COME AROUND AGAIN. BUT, THE BIGGEST SACRAFICE CAME WHEN SHE WAS TOLD OF AND APPLIED FOR A FORD FOUNDATION GRANT TO COME TO THE U-S TO STUDY. SHE GOT IT! BUT, AT WHAT COST. SHE HAD TO LEAVE HER THEN FIVE MONTH OLD BABY AND HER HUSBAND AND HER FAMILY. SHE DID. SHE HAD A LOVE FOR EDUCATION.

SHE COULDN’T SPEAK ENGLISH, HAD NEVER REALLY BEEN OUT OF HER LITTLE AREA, BUT SHE CAME TO THE U-S AND TO ALBANY TO ATTEND THE COLLEGE OF ST. ROSE.

SHE WAS SO GREEN THAT SHE TELLS THIS STORY OF HOW SHE ARRIVED IN THE U-S AT A MAJOR AIRPORT AND WAS TOLD TO GO AND CATCH THE TRAIN TO GET TO THE NEXT DESTINATION.

SHE WAS SHOCKED-SCARED TO DEATH AS SHE RETELLS THE STORY.

“WHAT TRAIN, I THOUGHT I WAS IN THE AIRPORT!” SHE DIDN’t KNOW ABOUT AIRPORT TRAINS THAT TAKE YOU TO DIFFERENCT CONCOURSES AND TO BAGGAGE. SHE LAUGHS

NOW, BUT IT WASN’T FUNNY THEN.

SHE SHOULD LAUGH AND CELEBRATE BECAUSE IN LESS THAN A MONTH, ALL THOSE LITTLE STRUGGLES AND ALL HER SACRIFICE WILL PAY OFF. SHE WILL GRADUATE WITH A MASTER’S DEGREE AND HEAD BACK TO HER HOME.

I FEEL PRIVILIGED TO HAVE MET HER. THIS COUNTRY HAS ITS PROBLEMS, YET PEOPLE KEEP COMING HERE TO GET WHAT WE SOMETIMES TAKE FOR GRANTED. THANK YOU HEMEI FOR REMINDING ME THAT ALL GREAT THINGS TAKE GREAT EFFORT. AND THANKS

MOM FOR YOUR STORIES TOO.

ELAINE HOUSTON